The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel

I’m about to share the truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel. You may be asking yourself “Casey, I didn’t realize there were so many alternative facts about a pee funnel. And why do you know so much about them? Are you an expert? And why would you need one?” 

Well, yes, faithful reader, I am an expert and I’m bout to give you the low down on them. Becoming a nomad, van lifer and bike camping fanatic, I have become an expert on some of the coolest and some of the grossest things that I NEVER thought I would be. A pee funnel is one of them.

My main objective in van life prep and planning was safety. Once on the road and after locking myself in the van for the night I knew I really wouldn’t want to get out to pee in the middle of the night. It might not be safe due to animals outside. I may be camping in an area unfamiliar, so I could get lost at night while in a sleepy state. The biggest reason really was, laziness. I didn’t want to have to wake the dog, grab a flashlight and then go take a piss. And I also didn’t want to leave my house in the middle of the night. So I needed to find a solution.

After some research I thought I had found it: The Shewee. A pee funnel made specifically for a woman on the go and in the outdoors.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

I just Sheweed myself

The Shewee comes in a variety of colors: pink, purple, orange, green and more! The extreme, which I bought, breaks down and comes with its own carrying case. I though the Shewee would be a game changer. I was now able to pee in a jug at night without leaving the safety of my van. The $20 price tag turned me off a bit, but I knew I needed it.

My first night on the road was my first chance to use it. In the middle of the night I pulled the pink pretty from its case, attached the tube to the trough (?), I’m a Nebraska girl so I’m rolling with trough, which is the part that you press your lips up to and let the pee flow. The trough is attached to a tube about 3 or so inches long.

As I let it flow, the trough started to funnel the pee into the empty jug I was holding in place underneath the funnel. Then, the trough filled so fast that it began to overflow!! I was sheweeing all over myself. I stopped peeing and let the trough funnel. This took a while. I tried the Shewee one more time and after the second round of enjoying a golden shower in the middle of the night on my bed, I packed it up and put it away never to touch it again. It was an epic fail!

 Don’t look!!! For my midnight pee break I’m using the PERFECT female urinary device (aka pee funnel) and a bottle marked with a large X, which is now my pee jug.

Don’t look!!! For my midnight pee break I’m using the PERFECT female urinary device (aka pee funnel) and a bottle marked with a large X, which is now my pee jug.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

Bigger is not better

Telling another road life friend about my Shewee ventures, she suggested that I buy a $.99 funnel from the hardware store. That’s what she did. Wow. Where was she a few weeks back when I dropped a twenty on another piece of useless plastic?  

Perusing the aisles of the first hardware store that I came across I found a large, wide mouthed funnel, large enough to funnel a great lakes worth of pee. Plus, it was $.99!! Score.

That night I was eager to try out my new big ass funnel. When it was time, I grabbed my faithful blue funnel and ouch, wtf! The funnel was so wide and the plastic was hard that my inner thighs chaffed as I bent my faithful blue between my legs. This trough was too big BUT my pee flowed!!! I didn’t have to stop mid pee, I let it flow without any overflow. This wasn’t a perfect fit, but it got the job done.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel: 

Multi purpose love

A few months later, my thighs were getting used to my faithful blue, but I longed for a better funnel, the perfect funnel. I was in Pittsburgh and my battery had died. After a jump from a friend’s car I went to Auto Zone to get a new one. As the workers changed things out I spent my time looking for useless items that I could not live without. Out of nowhere rays of lights shown down from the heavens and the angels began to sing and there she was, a long neck multi purpose funnel! She was long, black, narrow, and her trough had a lip. It was as if she was made just for me.

After splurging $2.95 I waited patiently through my day until night. I knew she was getting ready to make her big debut and I jumped at the first call of nature in the night. Setting up the pee jug, I grabbed my new black beauty pressing my lips to hers it was a perfect fit. As I let it flow, she flowed. *Prrffftttsshh* Opps….I giggled at the unexpected release of flatulence and got back to the flow of things. There was no chafing of the thighs, no overflow, and I was totally relaxed. It had happened, I had found the PERFECT pee funnel.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

Take it EVERYWHERE with you

This was the beginning of our wild love affair. I bring this pee funnel everywhere with me. She fits perfectly in my Camelbak during bike rides and hikes. And I even keep her nearby if I have to pull the van over for a quick pit stop.

I store her in a small dry bag for convenience. The only maintenance required is to keep her clean and washed, also washing out her carrying bag. Things will start to smell (BAD) if you don’t.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

Mark Your Bottle or Jug

Now, I’m not speaking from experience, but I can just image that this could happen. Nights in the van I have two jugs sitting on my kitchen table, which doubles as a nightstand. One jug is for water and the other is for pee. I always mark my pee jug with a big X so I didn’t accidentally use it for drinking water. But I would recommend placing your pee jug in a good, safe, non-spilling space that isn’t near your pee jug. I’d hate for a mishap to happen in the middle of the night. Reach for a drink of water and grab your pee jug instead!! Aggghhh, gross! I still can’t believe I haven’t done this. I as close one night, close.

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

Never squat AGAIN!

The best truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel is that you will NEVER squat AGAIN!!! Halleluiah!!!! I feel so much safer on a trail, not having to squat just to pee. If someone comes upon you while you are peeing they may be confused about why and how a girl is peeing standing up. Get with the times people!!! It’s magic……or just the perfect pee funnel!

The truth behind female urinary devices aka a pee funnel:

Added tip

Get pajama bottoms or sweats or long underwear that has a pee flap. The funnel fits perfectly and you don’t have to de-pants to pee. They are the perfect accessory to your funnel.


#heartshapedworld

  #heartshapedworld

#heartshapedworld


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